Affairs of the heart?

Have Some Love In Hand
Have Some Love In Hand

it’s 12.43am in the morning.one time,i forgot to say my birthday wish to this one friend of mine.i actually remembers the date,but don’t realize that that day is the day.i often forgot my friends’ birthdays.i forgot everyone’s birthday!but there’s a small group of people that i always remember theirs.i accept this as my way of treating someone,especially friends.but,i always troubled myself with the guilty thought of not wishing their birthdays..i’m afraid they might think that i didn’t care about them or whatever,but really,wishing birthdays is just…..not THAT important to me.i mean,it doesn’t mean that those whom their birthdays are remembered are REALLY remembered..at least to me.it’s just an act of saying “hey!happy birthday!”.it just..doesn’t mean anything heavy.at least to me(again) but anyway,i’m happy when people wish me on my birthday.especially those who didn’t really close to me.FYI,i seldom wish my close people birthdays.i assume they know that i remembered.that i cared.but just din’t say ‘happy birthday’.does anyone think like me?i don’t know..perhaps not many!people always think wishing birthdays mattered..hahaha..

it’s just that i hate feeling guilty for not saying happy birthday to the people that doesn’t care whether i wished or not.i seldom wishing anyone so please notice that ok…!we feel important when someone notices we didn’t on the list of friends who remembered their birthdays.i feel like that,at least.so don’t waste my time feeling like a wronged friend n ended apologizing to you.man,that hurts.stupid.n you don’t even cared.urghh.i always done these things.the things that ended making me look stupid.

during my matriculation years,there was this boy whom i swap stares during orientation week.actually the 2nd day at matriculation,to be exact.at the end of the orientation week,i manage to get to know his name(at least).he’s my roomate group leader.he was..cute.1st time looking at him,we stared at each other for like,seconds.2nd time,maybe in a blink of an eye.but then,it’s all i need to remembers his face throughout the days and months at matriculation.and over the days and weeks,i felt drawn to him.i like him.i would like to know about him,at least.and the rest of it was history.well i don’t like to talk about it!it’s stupid…even when i thought about it now,it still look stupid.to shorten the story,i may just talk a little about that.i manage to get his phone number n i text messaged him on some days.but he never replied.i mean,he didn’t know me..(God why didn’t i accept that..?).on Independence Day(31st august) he replied my sms.the date makes me laugh.what’s all this got to do with Malaysian Independence Day???hahahha that’s the start of it.he’s a nice boy.very very nice.i don’t know why but he’s nice to everyone he knows.and didn’t know.like me.he didn’t knew who’s the girl that always sms-ing him.and CLEARLY interested in him.but he just treat me like he knew me.in reality,he didn’t!sometimes i even wonders whether he knew i am a girl.n that the person who wished him on 31st august is the same person who sms-ing all day.and sms-ing him like,now.i don’t know if he’s dumb or something,but sometimes i wonder.hahaha funny…it’s clear that he didn’t knew me,and to some extent,it hurts when he treat like he knew,like he cared but the truth is he didn’t know anything at all.and doesn’t even asked my name.i’d say its stupid because i’m the one who likes him.if he does it to any other girls,it doesn’t mean a thing to them.but to me it does.so it hurts.also at the times when i even flashed a thought that he actually liked me too.that those silly happy love stories about two people who fell in love before they met actually happening to me.it s.u.c.k.s…..more when i happened to suck that stupid story.aaarrghh!(remember the song ‘I Knew I Love You Before I Met You’ by N’Sync???!dduhhh..)

until now,i didn’t deleted his number yet.there were many things that happened in between.there were times that i *cried* because of it.i mean,i like him.now,i likED him.but maybe it’s just a phase..anyway,i just can;t deny myself that he’s the best guy i ever liked in my life.i always like bad guys..i mean,guys who didn’t really O-K-A-Y.they’re not really bad,but they’re just not…good.but this one guy,is the type of guy that i know my mama and baba will like.everyone will like him.except some facts about him.but he’s great.he’s honest,cute,soft-spoken,friendly,corteous to other people,intellegent bla bla bla…but i guees all those were the things that hurts so much.seeing a super-nice guy that i happened to stumble upon during orientation n that i managed to be his ‘mystery’ sms friend,were getting away.i mean,it’s a lot of work,u know.a lot of selling myself.and some courage to,like ‘offer’ myself;doing all the chasing stuff,those pick-up words,those stares that i wasted,those ‘perigi carik timba’ thing…it can only be described with one word..S-T-U-P-I-D..

well,people in love do stupid things right??(trying not to feel stupid.yet again.)maybe i’m not experienced with the affairs of the heart..but,do we need experience to like someone,or to love someone?i think it just did.experienced or not,we still stumbled.stumbled down when met the one who we love,isn’t it?i should leave that to myself to think about…

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UPU results!

i just gotten back from 3 days of interview n enrollment exams of UNPAD at HUKM,cheras.the house was duuhhh..dusty!!my eyes sting!the exams were hard..we’re not allowed to use calculators..i also have to answer Physics questions..so u know lah how much i suffer..hahahaa…long time since i last studied Physics.i met a friend from school.not really rapat ngan die,but we know each other.monday’s night,i went searching for my sister whose studying medical there,in the same campus.i slept in her room for the night n went to enrollment exam on the next day wearing her baju kurung.n borrow her friend’s calculator.after those exams were finished,i stayed there until today.spending time with my sister..walking around HUKM(its a hospital so i don’t have any places to go) but there’s a huge beautiful lake outside the hospital.my sister wanted to bring me there but got no time..again.hahaha.medical student is sooo busy.maybe next time.

went back home at 3pm lebih kurang.then check my UPU results with my another sister(haha!) she sit there in front of the computer to watch the result with me.i’m nervous!becoz this will affect my decision.i got what i want.Pharmacy.in UKM.my second choice…first choice is at UITM.wonder why i didn’t get a place there.maybe they want better results kot..so,here i am.

Now thinking about where to continue my studies.

Still don’t know yet!

My Old School..

Yesterday,me n my friends went back to school in Serting,Negeri Sembilan.it brings back the memories.well u know,the things that we do when we’re still schoolgirls,wearing those white baju kurung n MRSM standardized colour,khakis.kain sekolah aku color khakis.one time,i was really proud of that colour.it makes us different from any other schools in the country.tp bile dh lama kt sekolah,baru aku sedar yg kaler kain tu xde makna pn.x membezakan kitorng dgn bdk sekolah lain.we’re all the same.anyway,b4 going to MRSM,i was in a islamic private school located in my hometown.most of my schoolyears were spent there.sometimes i wonder which one of these 2 schools of mine is better.

but then again,i can’t compare it.it’s two different things,different places,different people and different environment.once,wearing tudung labuh is compulsory.at MRSM,it isn’t.so it’s different.then,kaler kain.students nationwide wear blue but in MRSM,we wear khakis.before,i live near my families n my friends but then i live far.it’s like 3 hours drive from KL to Serting at the most.it makes so many differences.n i can’t find which is which.one thing remain the same.both are places so full of life experiences.although it’s been 2 years after leaving school,n there are events that i forgot about,it stays with me.i love both of my schools.i think schools are fun n don’t understand why kids right now hate coming to school.Or doing awful things at school.i had those times too.they should know that school years is one of the best years in our lives,so don’t ruin it.tp,terpulanglah pd masing2.for me,i cherished those times until now n for many years to come.

##Thanks For The Memories##

When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
“Just what your worth”

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I…

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I…

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

::Coldplay-Fix You::

Caught In The Middle..

juz got the call from MARA pg td.die kate dpt scholarship tu..and i’m going to Universitas Padjajaran,Indonesia.how i’m feeling right now?don’t know.i was like,what??!mcm blur je.i’m waiting for atim 2 call me.hopefully she is accepted as well.pergh.tp,i’m going to study medic.T_T.baba pn td cm bese je.hahahah!mmg b4 ni baba da ckp yg die x favour ak pg overc.huhuhuu so now what?juz as the title,i’m caught in the middle..between reality and uncertainty..

heard abt it from the website http://www.rottentomatoes.com.i trusted this site to update me on the best or newest movies worldwide.it attracted me because of its genre.otherwise,i wouldnt spend another thought abt this film.but it turns out that its really sweet and deep..unconventional outlook to a love story.another thing is,the actors are unknown..and they also didn’t have a name.in the cast,Glen Hansard(lead actor) is called ‘Guy’ and Marketa Irglova(lead actress) is called ‘Girl’.so,i think by these unnamed lead actors,it somewhat connects to us,the real guys and girls in this world.i think it makes us close to the characters more rather than look to them as actors.it’s a low budget film,the camera seems like the same in the movie Cloverfield.

Based on http://www.rottentomatoes.com,they give 97% while Top Critics give 100% for the film.

My rating is 4 out of 5..n the OST is packed with beautiful indie songs.check out the lyrics too


01 Falling Slowly.mp3