Stars in The Snow

It’s just like what I’ve said earlier today.

When you think it’s right,…it’s not.
Move on.
So to move on,I need a dose of thinking through it tonight before I sleep.
And somehow it made me back to my bad habits.
I don’t know why I cared..
Fuck this feeling.
Fuck to ever have to feel.About this.About you.

I don’t ever want to be in love.
I sure as hell don’t because I don’t know how to claim what should be mine.
I would settle to cry over a car ride looking out the windows to the night lights,insulting the sorrow of my situation.

But as what I’ve said many times earlier…no matter what bullshit I said,I actually cared.

Now playing : star – the white birch


At the back of our minds

Wish I was small in sunny days
A summer light breeze could lead me further
Someone would call from beyond the maze
Of winter freeze and draw me to her
Eyes that are grey can’t see behind the stains
Of blurring stars and bleeding sun
I wish I could stay or silence the rain
The solid bars of all that’s left undone.


Nights in the snow when all you know
Is a velvet breath and all you long for
Light is the stain a ball without a chain
The sweetest death might make you strong
Your gaze becomes ice two crystal rollerdice
The trembling ground what have you done
I wish I could wake as the walls start to quake
From the impossibe sound of air that leaves the sun
A summer breeze begun
Of air that leaves the breathing sun.

The White Birch – Breathe (2002)

The most beautiful thing I read and listened to today.

Melancholic.Just what I needed =)

Floating high to the sky

You just can’t stop but to reflect, and think, when you hear such beautiful music.

This week, after being into mainstream (previous post) I’m going to immerse my mind into Ambient/instrumental music for a while…look out into the morning sky,eat something simple,grab my laptop and write something. See what will come out of this ritual.

Hammock is my new flavour.

In addition to Sigur Ros , Mogwai , When The Clouds and some other minor influences. All with awesome names!!! Feeling a little energized, listen to Saltillo with its freakishly awesome cello + post rock. On a sadder note, Olafur Arnalds will understand…

Music without lyrics, nothing but the music, the only thing that your senses can enjoy. When I don’t want to listen to anyone, I’ll talk and hear myself through ambience. It’s surprisingly an out-of-body experience,sometimes…but now I’m sounding weird.



I just wrote my encounter with Harimau Muda at ISN on wednesday…………
and KL just go blackout suddenly..
there is no autosave apparently…..

I was being carried away with the thought =D but then blakcout.

OK I start again.

Our group went to ISN for our DDS (Drugs in Sports) subject..
and its our luckiest day..
The whole Harimau Muda Young Tigerzzz are training!!!!

Some 20 hot guys are looking at you…….


And here’s the best thing.
I didnt realize who they are until we were in the room that I did the peeking to look at them assuming no one will notice
I mean, we are already in the room.Why would anyone of them look back rightt?

But then,you know the youung star midfielder soon to be 18 years old Nazmi Faiz?

I can picture the scene like it was yesterday.
He was leaning to the net surrounding the indoor training grounds,hands on it, looking through his shoulders to us.
But can I say ME?Coz Im the only one of us that is looking back to them??=DDD

Geeeeeeeeeez this boy is FREAKING CHARMING…like Oh God!!The way he was looking,kind of relaxed,kind of himself….kind of HOT.

So I became uncontrollably excited…I was like,
‘Tadi tu ak nampak ak nampak!! Tu die ak nampak tadiiii!’
My friends are all asking what the heck is happening.

Lol it’s so funny that I reacted like that in front of my whole group…kind of embarrassing but FUCK Nazmi looked at meeee
FUUUUU everything else =p

And it was yesterday LOLOLOL but seriously, I find myself still thinking about that and him

I cant seem to forget the real shit that is I’m crushing over a famous person.
We all know in this case, there are no win win situation.
I will always be no one special,just one of the fans.Girl fans.
And…the other shit that is I’m 5 years older…
I was already counting when he’s still breast fed lolll
And I am getting fatter eating all the stuff grown ups eat while he’s eating greeens!

The other major shit is that I’m worlds apart from him (and the likes of him)
I’m not someone in the field of sports (no I’m not considering to further in doping control)
And am not from media people..
Obviously not pretty…nothing really eye catching
Just like every other girls you would see everyday.
And I would dream of any chance with someone like him?
It’s so unreal it’s absurd thinking.

But I like him =((

(fangirl post damn I’m sorry to myself)