Missing Them

I’m hit with the fact that I’ve been far from the people that has been the longest with me. My family, my old friends (whom I’m still remain in contact through social medias). I miss my parents so much =( I always have this thought that if I ever get hitched one day, I’d have the sleaziest, most embarrassing solemnization ever. Because I swear to God I’m gonna cry a fucking ocean. I actually have kind of an extreme attachment to my family. I just don’t show it and in this way no one I care about know I care about them LOL but nah we’re still cool. I’m always in control for no reason. I don’t keep photos in my phone or hanging around in my house/room, don’t call or messaging as much as some people would do. I’m like this since forever, and my closest friends knew all too much about it. My family isn’t perfect especially over my adult years…I have deep seated sadness about the whole thing that sometime I think it’ll never go away unless something put it to test, God forbid. I know that I’m not a strong person to face a loss of a family member, not now, not ever. But it’s the plight everyone who loves another human being will have to face. And people like me make it worse by thinking about the end all the time. Following all these travel itches that I have, to simply jet off somewhere and really widen my horizon, I know that I’ll not lose my family over the distance. I don’t have this same confidence with a relationship partner though. It’s what scares me; the end that haunts me, that I’ll never succeed in a healthy relationship with someone that actually going somewhere. I guess I just gotta admit that I’m a commitment phobe. Family is the people that will always take my shit and still is there for me. I’m gonna get a holiday (finally!!) to go back to my hometown. I wish I can just snuggle with my mom or dad and not get weird stares from my other siblings loool