Have Some Love In Hand
Have Some Love In Hand

it’s 12.43am in the morning.one time,i forgot to say my birthday wish to this one friend of mine.i actually remembers the date,but don’t realize that that day is the day.i often forgot my friends’ birthdays.i forgot everyone’s birthday!but there’s a small group of people that i always remember theirs.i accept this as my way of treating someone,especially friends.but,i always troubled myself with the guilty thought of not wishing their birthdays..i’m afraid they might think that i didn’t care about them or whatever,but really,wishing birthdays is just…..not THAT important to me.i mean,it doesn’t mean that those whom their birthdays are remembered are REALLY remembered..at least to me.it’s just an act of saying “hey!happy birthday!”.it just..doesn’t mean anything heavy.at least to me(again) but anyway,i’m happy when people wish me on my birthday.especially those who didn’t really close to me.FYI,i seldom wish my close people birthdays.i assume they know that i remembered.that i cared.but just din’t say ‘happy birthday’.does anyone think like me?i don’t know..perhaps not many!people always think wishing birthdays mattered..hahaha..

it’s just that i hate feeling guilty for not saying happy birthday to the people that doesn’t care whether i wished or not.i seldom wishing anyone so please notice that ok…!we feel important when someone notices we didn’t on the list of friends who remembered their birthdays.i feel like that,at least.so don’t waste my time feeling like a wronged friend n ended apologizing to you.man,that hurts.stupid.n you don’t even cared.urghh.i always done these things.the things that ended making me look stupid.

during my matriculation years,there was this boy whom i swap stares during orientation week.actually the 2nd day at matriculation,to be exact.at the end of the orientation week,i manage to get to know his name(at least).he’s my roomate group leader.he was..cute.1st time looking at him,we stared at each other for like,seconds.2nd time,maybe in a blink of an eye.but then,it’s all i need to remembers his face throughout the days and months at matriculation.and over the days and weeks,i felt drawn to him.i like him.i would like to know about him,at least.and the rest of it was history.well i don’t like to talk about it!it’s stupid…even when i thought about it now,it still look stupid.to shorten the story,i may just talk a little about that.i manage to get his phone number n i text messaged him on some days.but he never replied.i mean,he didn’t know me..(God why didn’t i accept that..?).on Independence Day(31st august) he replied my sms.the date makes me laugh.what’s all this got to do with Malaysian Independence Day???hahahha that’s the start of it.he’s a nice boy.very very nice.i don’t know why but he’s nice to everyone he knows.and didn’t know.like me.he didn’t knew who’s the girl that always sms-ing him.and CLEARLY interested in him.but he just treat me like he knew me.in reality,he didn’t!sometimes i even wonders whether he knew i am a girl.n that the person who wished him on 31st august is the same person who sms-ing all day.and sms-ing him like,now.i don’t know if he’s dumb or something,but sometimes i wonder.hahaha funny…it’s clear that he didn’t knew me,and to some extent,it hurts when he treat like he knew,like he cared but the truth is he didn’t know anything at all.and doesn’t even asked my name.i’d say its stupid because i’m the one who likes him.if he does it to any other girls,it doesn’t mean a thing to them.but to me it does.so it hurts.also at the times when i even flashed a thought that he actually liked me too.that those silly happy love stories about two people who fell in love before they met actually happening to me.it s.u.c.k.s…..more when i happened to suck that stupid story.aaarrghh!(remember the song ‘I Knew I Love You Before I Met You’ by N’Sync???!dduhhh..)

until now,i didn’t deleted his number yet.there were many things that happened in between.there were times that i *cried* because of it.i mean,i like him.now,i likED him.but maybe it’s just a phase..anyway,i just can;t deny myself that he’s the best guy i ever liked in my life.i always like bad guys..i mean,guys who didn’t really O-K-A-Y.they’re not really bad,but they’re just not…good.but this one guy,is the type of guy that i know my mama and baba will like.everyone will like him.except some facts about him.but he’s great.he’s honest,cute,soft-spoken,friendly,corteous to other people,intellegent bla bla bla…but i guees all those were the things that hurts so much.seeing a super-nice guy that i happened to stumble upon during orientation n that i managed to be his ‘mystery’ sms friend,were getting away.i mean,it’s a lot of work,u know.a lot of selling myself.and some courage to,like ‘offer’ myself;doing all the chasing stuff,those pick-up words,those stares that i wasted,those ‘perigi carik timba’ thing…it can only be described with one word..S-T-U-P-I-D..

well,people in love do stupid things right??(trying not to feel stupid.yet again.)maybe i’m not experienced with the affairs of the heart..but,do we need experience to like someone,or to love someone?i think it just did.experienced or not,we still stumbled.stumbled down when met the one who we love,isn’t it?i should leave that to myself to think about…

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