13/8/15

Didn’t have a better title name in the moment. My mind is so drained in a freakish way that I can’t even explain and feel. Like the capacity has been reduced over time. I feel a strenuous struggle writing now, even these novice lines…just to choose the right words over zillions of words to put the meaning where it should to feel it as an accomplishment after finishing it. On a positive note, I spent after work hours with my boss in a successful dine out. Lol! I could take your normal day out together as a task to achieve. What an annoying perfectionist (or a people pleaser?). But it was genuine. I’m blessed with a really good boss!! The moment you arrive to a place with someone you just knew in less than a year, there are bound to be some prickly moments that me, as a good social navigator (ahaha), won’t let it get in my way. I will reverse all the nanoseconds silence to an interesting topic before it drifts into awkward silence. When that person is very nice it’s such an easy thing to do.

I wasn’t born a natural in social interactions with people I just knew. I remembered when I was in school I did have a lot of friends especially those that everyone knew, but nobody knows me. I’m the best sidekick to the queen bee as I managed to finally accept in later teenage years…hahaha I used to feel bad about it, every teen does. Friends are my priorities. I had numerous bestfriends…haha. Seriously though there are just a few that stays in a special place in my heart. I had all those years that I spent over the phone with my bestfriends, gossiping about other girls, crying over boys, making all sorts of assumptions about the only world that we knew: school. It was a small world but it was so real. In the adult world I missed that kind of obsession that I had with my life and people in it. I think about what to do with other people. where to go etc now I just go anywhere I wanna go as I please, by myself, with absolutely no need of company. Back then I enjoyed being around friends and family more than being alone.

The situation that unfolds whenever you’re with someone new in life you’re subconsciously trying to appear better. In a conversation you’d be aware of the amount of time you spent talking about you and then pass the baton to other person at the table. You don’t want to sound as a self-loathing or the negative complainer. With people you knew for years…you just didn’t care. Didn’t have to care. You can be the annoying cow or that overbearing social butterfly who wanna outshine everyone. Or shout across the room. Sometimes I miss this so much.