Maldives in February

Part I – I was in Maldives.


I was able to take a 6 day holidays since I haven’t been given any freaking holiday for the past 3 months
So thanks to my boss finally giving some thought to me who were in desperate need ( i literally was sick every week with fevers, cold and flu
that’s began to worsen with sore throat that very day. I was soo sleepless and dragging myself to work with this sick state that I hate )
I think it was the worse point I’ve ever had in 3 years of working in this shitty place.
So I finished packing my stuff that morning. Idk I havent been into it for all these months, I was just excited buying new clothes lol (as early as 3 months before lool)
My flight to KL will be at around 10am. I’ll be flying with my friend whom I havent meet for 2 years(?) and her friend whom I don’t know
I get to know her friend more later when we were waiting for the next flight to Maldives…talking for 4 hours…coffee…eat…talking again
It was such a detour from a normal day at work. I was frequently reminded of that thought. That comparison…oh my
It easily saved me from the entire 3 months of being stressed out.
So when all 5 of us has arrived I felt ready and I’m like yeah Im really going to Maldives cause to be honest my mind haven’t got into it
I need to hop on that plane fast lol
The flight took 4 hours and a half, and landed at Hulhumale Island (it’s an artificial island built to house the international airport alone)
At 9pm local time. You couldn’t even outlined the island onto where you landed. It was new for me as I’ve never landed on such a small island before in my life

Stepping out the plane only I felt the holiday vibes
I am really in Maldives!! I couldn’t wait for the morning to come and to see the turqoise waters around me as I’ve googled over the internet
All the ‘Summer Mixtapes’ on YouTube is playing in my mind
After taking some group selfies with the ‘Welcome to Maldives’ sign in the airport (it’s a Malaysian thing to do lol)
We quickly wait for our turn to get through the immigration and approaching the main exit towards the lobby where local people lined up holding signs for their respective guests
I spotted my name at the end of the line. Our guy led us out to the jetty in the night. The wind was blowing like crazy and we’re still chit chatting while making our way to the a small boat
We were still commenting on how sparkling the sea looked under the streetlights. The guys in the boat loaded the boat with our bags and offered his hand to me.
Ok so it’s time for the boat ride already?? Lol unbeknowsnt to us it was the most horrifying boat ride ever. I thought that one particular crazy excursion I did in Pulau Perhentian was the worse. but this topped it off!
My friend couldn’t help herself from vomiting and the rest of us holding our churning stomachs, sitting still on the seat in silence. I just looked to the waves shoving the boat around and trying to calculate my chance of survival. If I ever make it to our destination, Maafushi Island. Cold sweat running through all over me when finally we arrived in those horrifying 45 minutes on the rough sea. The local guys said they’ve been through worse when it rains/storming, I just nodded while in my head I couldn’t imagine living the island life. No matter how many boat rides you’ve taken you’d still at awe how these people who make a living out of sea travel and marine economy. Damn I have it better with my job lol. They all greeted us and we were like uh yeah we’ve arrived yeay *still regaining balance* with our heads swayed in the wind the hotel served us fried rice with fried egg on top.

We all looked in disbelief, the glass candle box illuminated our 5 revolted faces lol. I feel so rude but man after that boat ride I wasn’t ready for any type of food. After a while I did ate everything as I’m again holding my title as always finishing any dish ever served to me 😅 I slept that night in a really cold aircond room, flat.

Getting through this

Hello February.

Life sucks (because of work) and things that got left behind because I simply don’t have the time to look into each and every thing in my life. In that pretext however I’ve gotten lots of inspirations. Reading about Julia Michaels who’ve so young yet achieved a lot, answered my question of how do people do songwriting. I know this is probably stupid for people who KNEW it and have people in their lives who does it for their living, but I don’t have that privilege and I don’t think I’d bust out of my bubble and find actual people that do because I’m just being too personal about it. I’d rather talk about in like this, anonymously on the internet. I’ve read a post somewhere about a girl whose afraid of really trying and went out there with her voice and emotions because to her music is really personal. I’m like I got you girllll like yes I understand how it feels like. It’s a plague. I thought I’ll get through it when I’m an adult but nope. It becomes more personal than ever. I found that the article of her interviews was amazing. I never knew that artists actually throw in thoughts on a paper and jumble it into a song. But heyyy that’s songwriting right?? I thought that’s a crappy way which noobs like me do it (or trying to) it turns out that’s how it’s done. Of course you need musical knowledge to put melody to it and a good English vocabulary (lol) and the flair to balance the depth of touch to our emotions with making it listenable. Because we do want to share it. It’s something I argue with myself every freaking day – to make it for everyone else or for myself? If I’m doing it entirely for myself (as I do now) I won’t put my best because I know I can fail myself. That’s a norm in my life and it’s why I don’t succeed in every fucking thing that’s meaningful to me. I could as well do a hell lot of job and toiling for it but never for something I’m passionate about. I don’t wanna screw up even once. How is that even possible right?

Anyway I’ve also gotten a few (that’s actually a lot) of drawings done that I put of on Instagram just to see if it’s decent enough. Since then I’ve thought better of myself..and how fast I progressed when I really do it. I know what I can do and what I wanna do, I just don’t know how to come out as a person who does art. Heck it felt like a gay person coming out. lol. It’s really hard. There’s no one around me that does the same things and is passionate about it, and no one able to size up how my life fired with good story writing in video games, and come up with the best lines I could with music and movies that has affected me. People and places I’ve been. I couldn’t keep up with everything and everyone just breathing it I need to immortalise it into an art form which I’m trying to do seriously. Frankly it’s the only thing that makes my life go around…and fuelling everything else. Speaking of places I’m going to a dream destination next 2 days and I can’t believe it. It’s crazy. I haven’t gotten out of work for 3 months! I will write about it as soon as possible and not let it pass the heat of excitement like my last trip to Thailand last November.

The new year?

It’s shameful the amount of time this blog wasn’t updated but here I am. For 2017’s sake. I haven’t got so much to write anyway. I have loved you 2016. It wasn’t amazing but it was important. I’m still deciding what to do with my life but I think it’s the nearest that I’ve ever been all my adult life. And I have to say there is a certain someone that lit me on fire, the reason behind this move. Even if he’ll most likely never knew it I will never forget him for what he meant to me. I find it harder to work on my artforms and still living like the normal me that everyone knew. It’s like two different worlds. I’m looking for anyone that has been there done it…so that I can learn from their ways. On how to live like a concept.


I wish I am all these different persons and be able to finally make peace with all different versions of me
and I’d like to know if I’m really able to fall in love with some mountain tribe guy and live in yurts, taming wild mountain horses doing freelance work
or found it in a past love left unexplored, grounding me to reality whether I like it or not
as much as I’ve said I’m not afraid, I’m still afraid. Of the unknown.
And as much as I admit that I’m afraid, I always underestimate myself.

Ko Samui in September

Idk if I’m ready to write about my latest trip
I’m still gushing about it in my livingroom now
It was sooo full of funny moments and weird awkward stares and new experiences
It wasn’t so much tho
If we have a full 6 days it’ll be soo much better in terms of places and things that we could do
even after reading and searching through the internet for the so-called travelogs by people who have went there,
NO ONE mentioned about the long transportation between one point to another.
this fucks every plan you might be having lol
ok so I will tell you how my vacation went

Day 1 (25/9) Sunday
We all had a really hectic weekend to close off before jetting away to Thailand
It is the longest holiday Ive ever asked for from my boss so far (about 3 years working) lol
so I have the best feeling but also very lukewarm since work thoughts always catching up at the back of our minds
And I made a joke when my boss asked me to always turned on whatsapp for updates
I’m like K
And so are all my friends 😂😂

We are all still very much invested in our respective work
Idk but Ive never went on holiday that I completely turned off from work lol

First day, nothing, just us tryna reach the island and checked in the hotel so that we could get a shower and rest
You can’t even explain how boring it is the ride from the airport, to the island
air-land-water-land. Took about 3-3.5 hours. From the plane to trying to catch the bus (it was very well organized but still it can be hard due to one thing : bad english)
So a lot of funny miscommunications took place
Then when we get on the bus, a guy chatted with me and as usual I’m far than interested I mean I can’t sleep on the entire flight, sleepy and my eyes looks horrible and I feel less than attractive (that’s fucking why I avoid social interactions while on travels maybe I’d do differently if I’m confident or when the days my skin cooperates with me lol)
I found an excuse to not continue talking (it was just a few questions anyway lool)
still don’t have that on-vacation feeling, like your life is untied from anything that grounded you to wherever you’re currently based on,
it’ll affect how you go through the day.

When we reached the jetty it was already about 3 o clock in the evening, and it’s just hot and tiring but there is the big ferry waiting for us
It’s the first time ive ever board that kind of ferry (like the on in the game Euro Truck hahah)
It’s a big ass ferry. For a long ass journey. so it makes sense…
the outdoor seats isn’t comfortable to sleep but it’s nice with the sea breeze and the slow nature of it all…
Inside it’s loud with the sound of the Thai TV and people talking but it’s cool with aircon
an hour and a half feels like a day spent just sitting on the iron benches lol
we disembarked on Koh Samui’s Donsak jetty. There’s another 2-3 minutes walk through the bridge until you meet the drivers from Phantip Travel
waiting for you
since they can’t speak understandable English they spoke one words and we gotta catch em as they say it
then you just follow which vans that will go to your respective hotels

The van ride…it’s quite long to arrive to our place in Chaweng Beach. It’s further up the hill specifically
All the winding roads and the occasional traffic and the hike……it’ll take you 15-20mins from one beach to another major beach
This trip is meant as a getaway..not the gritty backpacking type (which I love) but I just came out of 6 months without a vacation so yeah I was literally begging for a nice comfy hotel up in the cliffs with smacking views…though I wasnt physically prepared for a vacation. Half of my mind can’t believe yesterday I’m scrambling through work and today I’m in Thailand
like how the fuck did I got here

The resort is really nice, has a 4 star feeling to it and everything is rustic and elegant
just a lil run down in some areas but the viewsssss
immediately can see myself one day living with this as my backyard lol

We ate stuff from my only friend that purchase the 15kg luggage – because she loves extra clothes and she brought us food yay
At around 8 pm we asked the front desk about taxi services and one guy pulled up in a white Nissan SUV (Nissan is massive in Koh Samui)
Taxis in Koh Samui are nice cars. I saw same situation in Surat Thani so idk if it’s a Thailand thing. Ive only been to Thailand twice.
Their police cars are sedans and I even caught one BMW. Damn
We googled for halal restaurants and found like three. Hmmm seems like the travelogs aren’t reliable. Maybe they went around looking on a motorbike? But if the ‘easy to find’ restaurants aren’t up on the internet we wouldn’t be able to find it.
We ate usual warung stuff like Tom Yam and Deep Fried Prawns etc it weren’t great tasting but nice enough
Not cheap…more on the pricey side. But hey it’s Koh Samui. Everything is above average prices here.
I went to the mart for a Fanta drink and find myself at a communication challenge with the cashier guy
My friend trying to ask the sim card price and he couldn’t understand the word ‘Money’
There was the price written on the cards though so check on it before you ask them in English cause it’ll save your time
It was funny trying to understand each other
And in Thailand you WILL get straws when buying drinks…I’ve observed this and it’s pretty funny cause you’ll end up with lots of unused straws when you’re about to throw the plastics away

My friends came from another convenience store cum mobile shop at the other side of the road with a story to tell.
The transactions went on with a sketchy looking guy…and a pistol on top of the table.
I laughed so bad to this because I can’t even imagine buying a freaking sim card from a guy with a pistol but really that was what happened…!
They have a shooting range in Koh Samui after all so maybe it’s legal idk but it’s funny as hell
The guy was nice and tried helping to write in Thai to help them get stuff from the other mart where the staff couldn’t understand English
Aaaanndd that was how the first day finished! Pretty much nothing right? Just that we get lots of ideas for our Thai English jokes and talk about how nice Thai people are

Movie night – The Visit (2015)


To start, I am a M.Night.Shyamalan fan. Since 6th Sense and through the lukewarm decade after that. Hehe. I might be a little bias. I love his brand of horror and mystery. But that would imply that all his movies are the same. It’s not. Especially with The Visit. I started watching with low expectations, as his fans would have get accustomed by now.

The experience watching The Visit is one with growing dread that something really bad is going to happen soon, it gets you early in the movie but you insist to sit there trying to uncover what it is before it happens. Of course Mr.Shyamalan left you some clues…you just didn’t think it through. That’s why I keep coming back to his movies. I love how the interest is sown as early as it can and kept you glued to the screen. You’d also given the time to sympathize the characters, understand their story while readying yourself for the ultimate twist at the end. Because The Visit could easily have been a simpler narrative if handed to another director but Mr.Shyamalan executed something more atmospheric and plays with your visceral fear. And let’s not forget it’s a found footage movie…you know how shitty lots of those can be 😝

(Honestly it’s hard to write this without giving away one spoiler word lol)

The movie is lightly introduced with all the main characters, a seemingly happy single mother with her 2 children, whom she will be sending off to her parents’ home for a chance of first reunion. She and her parents cut off their ties since she ran off to marry her lover 15  years ago. The dysfunctional family is thematically discussed and acts as the basis of the characters’ actions later in the movie. The emptiness and vulnerable facade the 2 children put on to survive their parents’ separation are expertly played by young virtually unknown actors Olivia DeJonge (Becca) and Ed Oxenbould (Tyler) (both actors are Australians). These 2 actors are truly the stars of the movie. Becca and Tyler are very charming and witty, with the warmth of their impulsive and childish actions, it makes them very believable characters to root for. The use of the internet slanga and some funny observations of the current teenage trends brought into their conversations also makes them enjoyable to watch. It reinforces the realistic feel of the footage Becca and Tyler took of the whole week over their grandparents, to look at the horrors unfolding though their own eyes.

One thing I felt at the scene in the car when the mother was driving them to the train station at the start of the movie was that it reminded me of a similar scene in The Shining. It’s the same irk from The Shining that the young children would be left at the mercy of mentally unstable adults. And the pale, white, unforgiving snowy setting in a secluded area where there are no immediate neighbours. However this movie is more of a thriller than horror. Ah you see? It’s really hard to not spoil it! If you’re already 30mins into the movie you’d know why. Hold on to that thought, and wait until the end where all your theories are SCREWED. At least half of mine did…lol! Thank you Mr.Shyamalan for another mind challenging thriller-horror. I enjoyed trying to investigate though I fall flat on my face everytime!!

4.5/5 recommended to fans and non fans alike. Critics also gave Mr.Shyamalan a thumbs up for this one (which is rare).

Rotten Tomatoes wrote:

The Visit provides horror fans with a satisfying blend of thrills and laughs — and also signals a welcome return to form for writer-director M. Night Shyamalan.

‘A return to form’ guys!! Come and watch the weirdest, perilous one week spent at the grandparents home. Fill your stomach to your heart’s content, run and play around the large yard but do not.ever.leave your room after 9.30pm *evil laugh*

Rated 18+ : Female nudity (back), suggestive scenes

The worst day of the year

(I wrote this in the first hour of hearing the news of my grandmother’s passing on 12 June 2016. It calms me to be able to write it out since at the time I wasn’t with anyone and have none to immediately talk to.)

12 June 2016 – 8.34am

I was coming out of the shower on a cold rainy morning at my house
Still have my towel on my shoulders, intent to pick up the clothes to wear to work for today
I have 15 mins to get ready, as usual
everything was normal
then my phone rings, an unknown number pops up
You know that’s like a bane to me
I never pick up a random phone call, especially in the mornings when I don’t wanna talk to any mortal beings
My cousin answered, crying and told me that she was gone
My initial reaction was huh
I managed to finish the call not screaming or crying although that’s what I feel inside
but it didn’t came out
the shock just enveloped me that I can’t feel a thing
So I tried to tell everybody in my family through whatsapp and in a minute everyone like woke up and call each other

My oldest sister teared up in the call, and it induced me to cry too
I dont know why i can’t cry on my own
I guess I’m still walking down memory lane in my mind
of everything I’ve managed to remember from all the years with this amazing person in my life
My grandmother.
I was actually the one who told my mother that her mother is gone.
6 days previously she had called, as usual, she always call everyone at all times
trying to talk to us, just asking mundane things like have you eaten? What did you took for lunch? What’s for dinner tonight?
You know that sort of thing
I’m used to it and I get annoyed by it. I ignored her calls many times and I just pick up whenever I feel like it
but recently, in this recent weeks, I never missed one. That I’m glad I did. I dragged my hand to pick up the phone (she usually called on both cell phone and house phone)
I’d answer in ridiculously uninterested tone.
that I remembered ghastly now, I couldn’t figure out why couldn’t be nicer.
should’ve ask more than asnwer her..ask about her day…
I could’ve but I didn’t.
there are a million times and opportunities that I could’ve been better….but I didn’t.
and that’s the thought that has been plaguing me since I answered my cousin crying on the other side of the phone
I think i just lost it
I’m beating myself over it.
It was just 1 hour now.
I still can’t believe it.

To think about this year’s Raya celebration without her
it’s unreal
She’s the one who organized everything
and she’d give everyone everything she have to make us happy and insisted to not dine until everyone else is attended to.
I cant believe she’s gone..i can’t!!
on a Sunday morning when i loathed to go to work..I woke up from a dreamy sleep.

I dreamt about another person quiet dear to me.
that’s another story..but I wish I had dreams of her.

To have some connection to the last minutes in her life.
I was doing what i’d be doing every weekday in this god awful routine of work.
I almost wish it’s something special, that it’s not such a random day
to be the day of her passing from this world
because she’s so special. To me and to our family and to everyone who knew her.

I wish there was some of us with her at the time. My relatives who are neighbours with her brought her to the hospital in the early hours of morning
While the rest of us were in our Sunday mornings just getting by the usual…
I wish this day was more special for her…
she was such an amazingly big hearted person
I’m sorry for ignoring the phone calls
I know that you just wanna talk to me and hear my voice
I’m sorry that I was almost always uninterested, although in random moments later I regretted the way that I answered
And planned to call back, to drive to your house about 2.5 hours away..I don’t know why the distance seem too much for me most of the time
but today I hate myself for not being able to act on my thoughts
I just thought about coming there for iftar, this week
but I know I can’t so I’m planning for next week.
but she don’t have another week.
When God has decided for you, nothing can change it.

I need to learn and shove it into my head that don’t let time fool you.
you think that your life is stagnant with no changes, nothing excites you
But time moves. Time always moves.
and with it the age of the people that matters to you, and someday they’ll leave you.
To not wait to make that call, to be there with them…because when that time has come, nothing can bring it back.

Movie night – Hush (2016)

…………….SO I’M ON A ROLL and I’m gonna post 2 entries in one day 😂😂

<100% spoiler alert>



Without further ado,

Hush is a home invasion thriller set in a (typical) cute cottage that is practically see-through with lots of big windows, no electrical alarm or grills to protect the people inside from the creepy wilds outside. As in all home invasion flicks like When A Stranger Calls, I Spit on Your Grave, The Strangers and You’re Next, there are only two sides. The Owner and the Invader. The others didn’t matter. They’re just props 😎 That’s being said, the director tried different premise, the owner is a deaf and mute woman who is a published writer staying in the cottage in the middle of the woods, and the nearest neighbour is 5min walk distance. Of course, writers seemed to be the most suitable profession to alienate themselves and then gets chosen by the opportunist invader. The invaders can give them random silent phone calls, or cuts the power supply, or throw stuff at their windows and make weird creepy noises to scare them. However in this case, how do someone gets the attention of a deaf and mute person that they’re gonna be his next victim? It gets tense 10 minutes in and very interesting indeed. It’s terrifying to watch and to think if this stuff happens in real life. When you know that your’re actually being watched, and that person intentionally wants you to know what he had in mind for you.

Locked inside, Maddie (Kate Siegel) have to rely on her impeccable wits to survive for as long as she can. This cat and mouse game started early and you wonder what’s more in the 1 hour plus runtime to the ending where fans of thriller like this would know, it could be as merry as she survives miraculously or she could just chopped to death, with the outro refuse to shed an ounce of sympathy to the victims. It’d end in senseless killings and you’d hate it. In Hush we were anxiously watching and wishing that Maddie would succeed, even in the condition she was in – completely hopeless against a psychopathic invade. The action although minimal was done in a realistic way. It wasn’t too great nor bad, it was just standard. What the movie excels in this genre that a few could have achieved, is to get the viewers feels for Maddie in her battle to survive. You know there are those female protagonists that you half heartedly wish for her survival despite being explicitly lucky in all dumb decisions she made and you’d yell at the screen how the fuck she didn’t die. Or the other one whom you have no sympathy at all, since she’s too well equipped and does things too correct, and you hates it when in a horror-thriller somebody being too right, cause where’s the fun in it? And they usually end up killed first lol

Maddie is a very likeable character, with an even dose of incapacity to protect herself and strength to survive. It was played well without the use of dialogue. All the scenes used to further show us how desperate a situation she was in were enough and necessary. Nothing felt overdone in this movie unlike lots of in this genre (runtime too long, comical urban legends, unnecessary hottie characters, violence ;but of course we have another dedicated genre for that…slasher-horror )

Don’t watch it for another dumb heroine making it out alive, No it’s not hanging type of plot and No stupid jumpscares. It’s just you, Maddie and the Invader. It’s a movie made to give us something enjoyable to watch, not too dark that you spent days after contemplating it nor just another horror-thriller flick. It deserved to be watched and be put in a higher place than all the other generics that comes so often to be unworthy of mentions.

Rate : 4/5

Movie night – Regression (2015)

Hi dear 8 years old blog.  Originally I planned to post something so overdue but I changed my mind like I always do. So I’m going to post reviews on movies that I watch cause recently I started watching movies again. I haven’t done so in months. I just watch a few and fail to write anything about it although I feel so strongly about one of them – Mad Max! That movie is a-w-e-s-o-m-e. I wanna write a fic on it so bad but my mental block is worse lol.

<100% spoiler alert>



Anyway this movie Regression is a crime thriller – horror movie starring Ethan Hawke and Emma Watson. The synopsis is interesting enough (yes I’m those people that has to read synopsis before deciding to watch something) about a small town rape case that leads the investigation into the satanic cult world. The movie is very well done in pace and suspense. It kept me at the edge of my seat, just trying to prepare myself for the revelation, and the dread eats at me. Who’s really the victim here? How come the accused didn’t have a shred of memory having done all those horrible things? It’s confusing but then you’re treated to constant crying and fragility of Angela, the character played by Emma Watson – the supposed sexual abuse victim by her own father. It’s disgusting and you quickly sympathised with her situation. The movie lets you be your own investigator, this kind of feeling I missed from lots of crime thriller nowadays. Like in 1995 crime thriller Seven (Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman), God that movie was so amazing. You’re trying to collect the clues yourself. But in this movie I failed big time. I was also deceived by the expert victim playing. Only that I’m female that I don’t get to snog Angela like Det. Bruce (Ethan Hawke) did at the cemetery but I sure fall for her lol. The entire story was fabricated, by Angela and contributed by the regression method in psychoanalysis.

If you read about Regression method, it was real, at least back in Freud’s times. It was re-presented in numerous later books and research papers, it was defined as :

…A defense mechanism leading to the temporary or long-term reversion of the ego to an earlier stage of development rather than handling unacceptable impulses in a more adult way.

Errr…ok in layman’s term – people revert back their emotional self to a childlike stage in reaction to bad things in life. Rather than being an adult and deal with it, they clammed inside their child self shell. If you don’t know about regression the movie can be a little unexplained, especially in Roy’s (Devon Bostick) regression test. The whole concept is really interesting and the fact that this movie was based on real events, it just struck me. And the other important concept that was discussed in this movie was The Devil. Of course in religious terms the devil is the devil, scary looking monster; hairy with pointy tails. The point of the movie is The Devil itself can manifest as a person so evil no matter how angelic they look on the outside. The Devil is in each of us if we chose to do evil. The whole runtime had this air of supernatural creepiness. It was done well, really creeped me out without actually too much jumpscares. It wasn’t surprising considering that this is the same director from The Others (2001). But the real dread comes from the truth – The Devil comes in angelic package of a pretty damsel in distress. Who would have thought? The only thing that doesn’t quite fit in the storyline was the book of satanic cult that was referred by Angela to make up all the terrifying stories and used it to accuse her family members. It isn’t necessary and feels a little out of place, like something last minute thrown into the plot. But then she was 17 and it was set in 1990, we don’t have Reddits and Creepypasta and 4chan and urbex and deep web shit andddddd so I give it a pass.

Watch it for the impending shocking truth and not for the horror cause there aren’t really any. The director is an expert at using silence and dreary washout setting to make you feel the fear lurking inside. Or…if you’ve never seen Aaron Ashmore play as a villain 😄😄😄

Rate : 3.8/5