Hello February.

Life sucks (because of work) and things that got left behind because I simply don’t have the time to look into each and every thing in my life. In that pretext however I’ve gotten lots of inspirations. Reading about Julia Michaels who’ve so young yet achieved a lot, answered my question of how do people do songwriting. I know this is probably stupid for people who KNEW it and have people in their lives who does it for their living, but I don’t have that privilege and I don’t think I’d bust out of my bubble and find actual people that do because I’m just being too personal about it. I’d rather talk about in like this, anonymously on the internet. I’ve read a post somewhere about a girl whose afraid of really trying and went out there with her voice and emotions because to her music is really personal. I’m like I got you girllll like yes I understand how it feels like. It’s a plague. I thought I’ll get through it when I’m an adult but nope. It becomes more personal than ever. I found that the article of her interviews was amazing. I never knew that artists actually throw in thoughts on a paper and jumble it into a song. But heyyy that’s songwriting right?? I thought that’s a crappy way which noobs like me do it (or trying to) it turns out that’s how it’s done. Of course you need musical knowledge to put melody to it and a good English vocabulary (lol) and the flair to balance the depth of touch to our emotions with making it listenable. Because we do want to share it. It’s something I argue with myself every freaking day – to make it for everyone else or for myself? If I’m doing it entirely for myself (as I do now) I won’t put my best because I know I can fail myself. That’s a norm in my life and it’s why I don’t succeed in every fucking thing that’s meaningful to me. I could as well do a hell lot of job and toiling for it but never for something I’m passionate about. I don’t wanna screw up even once. How is that even possible right?

Anyway I’ve also gotten a few (that’s actually a lot) of drawings done that I put of on Instagram just to see if it’s decent enough. Since then I’ve thought better of myself..and how fast I progressed when I really do it. I know what I can do and what I wanna do, I just don’t know how to come out as a person who does art. Heck it felt like a gay person coming out. lol. It’s really hard. There’s no one around me that does the same things and is passionate about it, and no one able to size up how my life fired with good story writing in video games, and come up with the best lines I could with music and movies that has affected me. People and places I’ve been. I couldn’t keep up with everything and everyone just breathing it I need to immortalise it into an art form which I’m trying to do seriously. Frankly it’s the only thing that makes my life go around…and fuelling everything else. Speaking of places I’m going to a dream destination next 2 days and I can’t believe it. It’s crazy. I haven’t gotten out of work for 3 months! I will write about it as soon as possible and not let it pass the heat of excitement like my last trip to Thailand last November.

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