November

This year my wish is one thing.

And it’s an escape plan. Too many times I’ve been wondering who am I and what makes me the person that I am. Im sure Im in the wrong shoes. It weighted on me all this while. Im at the crossroads of life, being graduated and having my first job…standard life plan. But I ache for something at the other side. Im ungrateful, mean, regretful. Im only 24 but I felt like all 24 years are a waste if I know back then that I’ll be this person today. Recently Ive read about that X Factor AU contestant Bella Ferraro that actually left school because she wasn’t ‘happy’. Her mother was upset but she saw a weight is lifted, and she can sing better after that. And she sang beautifully. The way a person does when she does it with all of her heart. I dont know how to do that. How to put heart into what you do? I dont get it…I dont like what I do in the first place…and I cant force myself. I thought Im this strong person but Im not. Im all that I think Im not. 24 years to come back to square one.