World is a Stage

Are we human?

Or are we dancers…

And I’m on my knees

Looking for the answer.

Are we human..

Or are we dancers?

The Killers.

Debunked.

I haven’t been writing…for weeks.

This is bad. For my mental health..or something.Sense of balance and connection to the world around me.

I’ve just finished my last paper for finals on Friday.Then next week is the thesis/research and VIVA week.Oh my God…when will you leave me alone BITCH!!I’m only doing all this because it’s my responsibility.Not out of intention and passion.This gets me in a bad mood now.I’ve been thinking of how to prepare myself on my research presentation.A part of me don’t care of how it will turn out.But as we’re all living this life like a fucking race,I would have to make it good.Give it my best shot.A shot at what?

Impressing people that I don’t even care and like.

It sucks when you have to please other people.

You see,I’m not lovable,not often agreeable,and in general; don’t like people so much.Moreover, I see little point in making your point in front of people who already judging you.Not just the research but the whole years you’ve been studying or worse if they know you in person.

I suck.I know that.I tell myself that in intentional jokes.But the thing is,I don’t feel bad about it.It’s a trait that follows me everywhere I got involved with a group of….wrong people.

But ¡qué vida más perra! ,I can take no other turns but to go forward.My plan?Nothing,just deal with it.

Fight Test

We sleep with a dream for a better tomorrow.But when the stars are gone and the sun begins shining,it’s all a mystery again..

Stars in The Snow

It’s just like what I’ve said earlier today.

When you think it’s right,…it’s not.
Move on.
So to move on,I need a dose of thinking through it tonight before I sleep.
And somehow it made me back to my bad habits.
I don’t know why I cared..
Fuck this feeling.
Fuck to ever have to feel.About this.About you.
Fuck!!!!

I don’t ever want to be in love.
I sure as hell don’t because I don’t know how to claim what should be mine.
I would settle to cry over a car ride looking out the windows to the night lights,insulting the sorrow of my situation.

But as what I’ve said many times earlier…no matter what bullshit I said,I actually cared.

Now playing : star – the white birch

At the back of our minds

Wish I was small in sunny days
A summer light breeze could lead me further
Someone would call from beyond the maze
Of winter freeze and draw me to her
Eyes that are grey can’t see behind the stains
Of blurring stars and bleeding sun
I wish I could stay or silence the rain
The solid bars of all that’s left undone.

 

Nights in the snow when all you know
Is a velvet breath and all you long for
Light is the stain a ball without a chain
The sweetest death might make you strong
Your gaze becomes ice two crystal rollerdice
The trembling ground what have you done
I wish I could wake as the walls start to quake
From the impossibe sound of air that leaves the sun
A summer breeze begun
Of air that leaves the breathing sun.

The White Birch – Breathe (2002)

The most beautiful thing I read and listened to today.

Melancholic.Just what I needed =)

Floating high to the sky

You just can’t stop but to reflect, and think, when you hear such beautiful music.

This week, after being into mainstream (previous post) I’m going to immerse my mind into Ambient/instrumental music for a while…look out into the morning sky,eat something simple,grab my laptop and write something. See what will come out of this ritual.

Hammock is my new flavour.

In addition to Sigur Ros , Mogwai , When The Clouds and some other minor influences. All with awesome names!!! Feeling a little energized, listen to Saltillo with its freakishly awesome cello + post rock. On a sadder note, Olafur Arnalds will understand…

Music without lyrics, nothing but the music, the only thing that your senses can enjoy. When I don’t want to listen to anyone, I’ll talk and hear myself through ambience. It’s surprisingly an out-of-body experience,sometimes…but now I’m sounding weird.

Currently on my playlist

 

 Rihanna – talk that talk [2011]

Rihanna wired to the guitar.

 the script – science and faith [2010]

Great lyrics and easy to get attached to.

natalia kills – perfectionist [2011]

Just Natalia Kills and her undeniable charm^^

fangirling

AAAAA SHITE!

I just wrote my encounter with Harimau Muda at ISN on wednesday…………
and KL just go blackout suddenly..
there is no autosave apparently…..
lol!!

I was being carried away with the thought =D but then blakcout.
Grrrrrr.

OK I start again.

Our group went to ISN for our DDS (Drugs in Sports) subject..
and its our luckiest day..
The whole Harimau Muda Young Tigerzzz are training!!!!
LIKE SHIT CLOSE TO USS!!
OMG AND THEY LOOKS AT US

Some 20 hot guys are looking at you…….

man…….

And here’s the best thing.
I didnt realize who they are until we were in the room that I did the peeking to look at them assuming no one will notice
I mean, we are already in the room.Why would anyone of them look back rightt?

But then,you know the youung star midfielder soon to be 18 years old Nazmi Faiz?
YEAAA THE KAKA MALAYSIA ONEE??
HE LOOKED AT ME YES HE DID HE DID!!!

I can picture the scene like it was yesterday.
He was leaning to the net surrounding the indoor training grounds,hands on it, looking through his shoulders to us.
But can I say ME?Coz Im the only one of us that is looking back to them??=DDD

Geeeeeeeeeez this boy is FREAKING CHARMING…like Oh God!!The way he was looking,kind of relaxed,kind of himself….kind of HOT.

So I became uncontrollably excited…I was like,
‘Tadi tu ak nampak ak nampak!! Tu die ak nampak tadiiii!’
My friends are all asking what the heck is happening.

Lol it’s so funny that I reacted like that in front of my whole group…kind of embarrassing but FUCK Nazmi looked at meeee
FUUUUU everything else =p

And it was yesterday LOLOLOL but seriously, I find myself still thinking about that and him

I cant seem to forget the real shit that is I’m crushing over a famous person.
We all know in this case, there are no win win situation.
I will always be no one special,just one of the fans.Girl fans.
And…the other shit that is I’m 5 years older…
Im like OLDIES TO HIM LOLLLL
I was already counting when he’s still breast fed lolll
And I am getting fatter eating all the stuff grown ups eat while he’s eating greeens!

The other major shit is that I’m worlds apart from him (and the likes of him)
I’m not someone in the field of sports (no I’m not considering to further in doping control)
And am not from media people..
Obviously not pretty…nothing really eye catching
Just like every other girls you would see everyday.
And I would dream of any chance with someone like him?
It’s so unreal it’s absurd thinking.

But I like him =((

(fangirl post damn I’m sorry to myself)

Into december

Aku di akhir semester sudah. 5 days to go into December. Felt unreal. Nearing the end, we have tonnes of responsibilities to fulfil. I can’t say assignments cause it’s more than that. It’s those stuff that if you don’t do it properly you won’t be graduated….we don’t think about fking marks anymore. Fuck marks. We just want to pass. We can settle happily without flying colours.

gong endir

I’m pretty sure no one would be with me
It’s not usually a sad thought to realize that you gonna be alone for the rest of your life..
I have so many things going on.
but it’s because I realize that, I have to be without you.
For the rest of my life.

It breaks my heart and I stumbled down with tears in my eyes.
No one can break me down until you came into my life..

I escaped into passionless work and meaningless conversations.
I tried to be into everything that I’m doing and everything I need to be.
I get into everyone’s way to keep going forward, to never miss out on anything,anyone
My life is adrenaline, my life is full of challenges and suprises that I seek
But I know it’s just a way to feel alive again..

I can put up with all the shitty things in my life
But I can never grow out of your memories
Of the kind of gleam I’ve had when I’m with you.

Don’t pity me my friend.
Don’t say you pity me.
I don’t pity myself.
I accept that truth and reality are real. And what I don’t have is just that.
Dreams.

You were the sweet weight tugging on my heartstrings,the reason I cried to sleep
The hope I would wait all my life for, The one I can never replace.

….
Now Playing: Gong Endir (Sigur Ros, Takk 2005)